Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Is this like a preordered booty call?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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