We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
