You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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