Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
