I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
