take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I think I won the penis lottery.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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