He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
