i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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