So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
