Duck Duck Cougar?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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