this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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