He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
