Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
