Jerry, you need to find god
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Nobody cheats on THIS.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
