is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
