my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
