Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I can't turn off my feet"
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
