How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
