Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
