maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Randomize
