Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
