Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
