yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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