I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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