you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
