Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Randomize
