Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
