so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
