i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
