So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
