You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I stole a fireplace last night.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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