Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
