R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Randomize
