this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
