so explain again why im purple
no
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
