someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
