I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
