she woke up with a sticky ear
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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