how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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