Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
