rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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