There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
