He asked to "fluff my boner.."
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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