every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
no you cant smoke seaweed
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
