he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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