she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
