Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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