i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
