He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
