And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
