just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
