it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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