ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
